twitter, are you a blessing or a curse?
after the recent series of commotions, i think it's more of the latter.
26 January, 2011.
the 17 year olds just got to know their JAE results.
some were elated, some were not.
i received a sms from cassandra that she was posted to my school.
i didn't know what to feel.
i know she didn't wanna come, i know she wanted to go acjc instead.
she had been training there for 2 months already,
and had feelings for that school, that track team.
27 January, 2011.
start of freshmen orientation.
i met her at kovan and showed her the way to school.
i really felt very happy and nostalgic.
it's just like before, where we met at pp station and go school together.
it's like nothing has changed, though we haven't been talking or met up for a long long time.
really wanted time to rewind and reminisce those sec3 days with her again.
but, reality is after all, reality.
cassandra, being as candid as straightforward as she is,
twitted some misleading stuff about sr and now practically the whole of j2 is against her.
she twitted "7 cedarians got into srjc, what is cedar becoming" or something along this line before orientation.
during orientation, she said something about those who got into sr, not good looking, no eye candies.
and because of some gossip group and the horrible effect of 道听途说,
from the freshmen has no exceptionally good looking people,
to srjcians no good looking people,
to srjcians are ugly,
to all srjcians are damn ugly,
to all srjcians are damn stupid and ugly,
to the SPs are damn stupid and all those insulting comments.
like wtf?
i know that her first tweet is kinda offending,
i'm not trying to defend her for that,
but i can totally understand her feelings during that period of time.
imagine, all your friends has considerably good results,
for me, one of my clique, everyone got into the top jcs and institution of sg.
hci, rj, vj acsi, acjc..
and you're segregated from them..
to a whole new school starting a whole new life.
even if there's outing, it'll still be them talking about their lives and their common friends,
and there's just me.
yes i know they'll try to include me but,
maybe it's just this barrier that i can't overcome.
i'm not a very vocal person anyway.
i'd rather listen than to speak most of the time.
okay why am i rambling about myself?
i mean, i can understand how she felt at that point of time.
not hatred of the college,
not despising the college,
but rather utter disappointment in herself.
can you just imagine how hard it is for her?
and twitter is for ranting isn't it?
didn't yenmei want to appeal out during orientation too?
why can't cass wants to appeal out too?
i know alot of people who comments about others' look,
i know alot of people who looks at hot guys and got girls.
why can they do that?
why must cass be condemn just cause she said there's no eye candies here?!
i was lucky, i have people i know here, my life wasn't that bad.
but she doesn't!!
she only knows me and dhivya.
oh but now she knows alot more of srjcians, who insults her.
is this how the OSLs and GFs and SCs are welcoming her?
not criticising all, but this kind of welcome is just so...welcoming man.
aren't OSLs and GFs and SCs supposed to make the freshmen love sr?
and wtf are they doing instead?
retweeting nonsense, scolding her for what she did and what she did not.
stalking on fb and twitter and even in real life,
spreading absolute lies, creating childish wars and all.
like please, all she said was that there's no eye candies in the j1s.
she hadn't even saw you people, why are you angered by her candid comment?
unless you really agree that you're ugly and you're offended.
if you're really that good looking, why the fk would you mind what people say?
and cass apologised for the misunderstanding caused,
what more do you want from her?!
and you people, instead of being forgiving seniors,
what did you do?
insult her more and said that there's "no use covering up and saving her ass now".
this only shows how narrow minded and petty you people are.
seriously, and you call yourself 18/19 year olds?
ytd, 28 January, 2011.
once i stepped into the school, yen mei came to talk to me.
she knew about misunderstanding so she was comforting me.
and then, her friend came along and said "hey! have you seen fb?"
i totally rolled my eyes and walked away.
and then, mandy came.
i was damn angry with her.
she saw me with cass going to school the first day of orientation.
why would she still facilitate the spreading of this nonsensical war?
she apologised to me. she said she realised that they've misunderstood her and they all felt bad.
but all i felt was anger.
what's the point of saying sorry to me when cass is still being ostracised??
i had no mood to do anything at all.
lucky fri only has three lessons, no spa.
practically stoned throughout the lessons.
copied letters/numbers from the board.
they didn't even look like words to me.
think mel had a hard time just being with me.
that anger in me subsided as the lessons passed.
i mean, there was no point of me being so angry,
it won't change anything anyway.
accepted a peanut choco from mandy and i thought everything will die down soon.
went hougang mall with satay,
i think she damn poor thing.
i think she regretted asking me out for lunch the day before.
we went hougang mall long john.
once i stepped in, i saw emily (from band) and all the GFs.
emily waved to me,
i said hi back,
and one random GF said hi to me.
had a weird feeling cause all the GFs just stared at me.
bought lunch with satay and we sat at a table nearby.
not that i want, but hougang mall's lj isn't that big..
and then, it happened.
they were crowding around iphones/ipods and talking about the same thing.
in school not enough, now that i'm outside school,
it's still haunting me.
emily knew cass's my junior,
so she was kept looking at me.
i asked her to come over and explained to her lah.
was damn agitated, she said she understand.
so ya, i ate my lunch in awkwardness.
back at school, satay had to go for GF meeting.
it was still 2, band prac starts at 330.
so i wandered around, found mel shairah and wynnie at goodnews benches.
sat beside there, stoned while they do their work.
and then, it happened again.
the people behind me were talking damn loudly about it.
they said nasty stuff, i felt like slapping all of them.
luckily or unluckily, they went down to the hall to see who is she.
that instance, i couldn't stand it anymore.
my feelings were all mixed up.
escaped to locker.
sat on the floor.
emily came, asked me if i was alright.
and, i broke down.
why am i so useless?
why didn't i go forth to stop them and explain to them?
why didn't i stop the bon fire from spreading?
where did those promises i made three years ago go to?
how am i fit to be her friend, her darling, her senior?
i really felt that i was a horrible friend.
not only to her.
to dear also.
if dear didn't know me,
or isn't this close to me,
she wouldn't be in such an awkward and stressful position..
okay i don't feel like continuing anymore.
nights.
